So it has been a year since we got the call to come and pick up our little Haddie. We all know that was a mistake so we don't have her yet but this year has been very difficult. Difficult not only because we are still minus one important piece to our family, but our life has changed a lot because of my health. But we are more determined then ever to be able to go and get her. Here is why:
First off we love Haddie even though we haven't met her yet she is our daughter.
Second the only thing holding us back right now is the Indian court system. All the other important paperwork is signed, done and ready for her to be home.
Third and most important God is bigger and better then any illness out there. His Will will prevail in this situation.
We recently got a new picture of Haddie from a wonderful Hyderabad mama which showed Haddie blowing a kiss. This little girl deserves all that God wants to give her. Yes her mama will have to do things a little differently like laying down a lot, skipping things that involve the heat of the day, taking rests after a full morning of teaching her children; but Haddie will never lack in anything like love, attention, food, education, excitement and a mother that loves her.
Here is the verse God has been putting on my heart and comforting me with through this season:
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6-7).
Our hope remains strong in someday soon holding our little girl. And we will in God's time...
We recently sent a heart filled letter to the director of CARA, the minister of Child welfare of India, and the Ripa. Requesting that they hear our case and make some progress on our adoption. The Monday following we heard back from CARA that they are looking into it. We also found out that the Ripa heard from CARA and were being encouraged to speed things along. That being said we have yet to hear anything after that. But please pray they take this to heart and allow us to come and pick her up.
We are ready and her bag is still packed. I did have to go and give away some of the smaller clothing that I had packed in there for her last year and then go and get her some new ones. Every time I do that I imagine putting those little clothes on her little body. How I long to hold her little hand and enjoy this life God has given us. We have already missed 6 years! I pray we don't have to miss much more.
Please keep her in your prayers. And if God leads you please donate to our Haddie fund. We are going to have to purchase business class tickets in order to get there without to many health complications.
So Haddie's birthday is coming up next month on the 19th. This will be the third birthday we have missed. As my heart breaks for her and for us I want to write this birthday wish to her so she can someday look at it an know she is so much loved and we are fighting to get to her as soon as possible.
Dear daughter,
As I sit here thinking about your almost six years of life away from me, your mama, it breaks my heart. I didn't get to see your first steps, hear your first words, hold you when you got your first boo boo, give you your first hair cut, hold you when you had a bad dream, and all the other milestones of life; and I will miss your sixth birthday.
But know this baby girl you are my daughter and your daddy and I love you to no end. We think of you constantly and pray that tomorrow will be the day we get the call to come and get you. You are loved so much Haddie Bharathi Moore! I can't wait to hold you when you cry, play with you, teach you, hear your first english words, see your smiling face every morning, see you play with your sister and brothers, see you grow in our God, and everything else that your future holds.
I dream of you a lot. In my dreams I am meeting you for the first time inside the orphanage. I get to hold you and see your beautiful face. These dreams feel so real and I get to touch your face. God gives me these dreams when I am low on hope. He gives me just a little glimpse of our future together. I pray He too gives you these dreams. Hold tight little one we are coming for you. Allow Jesus to hold you as I can't right now. And know we are waiting for you.
Hyderabad has had some movement with adoptions recently. We know of three families that have court date final. We are not one of them though. Holt still has not heard from our lawyer or the Ripa after several attempts to get information. They still say we need to hold onto hope though so we continue to pray and hope to someday meet little Haddie who will be 6 in April. We are praying God's will will be done in this whole adventure.
Health update:
So after another hospital stay at the Mayo Hospital they have figured out what is going on in my body. I was diagnosed with POTS, which is an autonomic nervous system disorder. The nonepileptic seizures were a result of not enough oxygen to my brain. Now that we know we can learn how to deal with it. Took many many years but we finally have an answer and ways to work through it. Now I am ready to go to India God :-)
Education is so crucial. Without it how are we supposed to know how to take care of ourselves and others. Actually God used a lot of the Old Testament educating us on life. The law of Moses has taught us how to take care of our health, spirit and emotions. Education and learning are so important to live our lives. Now imagine if we stopping schooling at 6th grade and never went again. Who would the doctors be, or the lawyers, or the school teachers? Education allows us to be used where God has us in the Body of Christ.
Imagine this judges in India are not required to continue their education once they have graduated college and are in their position. Do you see the significance in this? Well we heard from our rep last week that he discovered through his visits with our lawyer, CARA and the Ripa that the Judge who is handling our case didn't even get past the second sentence of our affidavit because he found out we have four children and my husband is an engineer. Apparently he thought my husband made to much to be just an engineer and that there had to be something shady going on. CARA actually went down and sat with him to help him understand what Indian law was on family sizes and adoption. They don't have a limit.
So where are we now... Waiting again on the preparation of a one page explanation of motivation of adoption of Haddie. Our hopes are that the lawyer can get the judge to read the whole page and hear our plea. When I heard this from our rep my heart sank. But he feels there is still hope and we are not going to give up. God is bigger then all of this and will prevail with His will whatever it be.
The rainbow was His reminder and promise to Noah. He has been showing us a lot of these lately so we will continue to hold hope that our daughter will be coming home with us in this coming year.
Let me take some time to explain why the long absence. In June I got rather sick as I explained in the last two posts. In August I began stuttering everyday. I went to my neurologist and he put me on meds to stop the hemiplegic migraines I was getting causing the stuttering and neurological symptoms. The meds did not help though and this continued. On the 28th of September I went for an EEG which sent me into a seizure from the flashing lights. I was sent home with tons of questions and no clue what had just happened.
Later that night I was laying in bed and I started having a seizure. Andrew sent the boys to get my mom who was next door. As I lay there not being able to control my body our two older boys looked at me and asked their dad if I was going to die. After calling the doctor we got in the car and started to drive to a hospital. But when another seizure came on Andrew brought me to the local fire station which took me down to Tucson to the hospital. There they put me in the ICU while I seized continuously. They put so many drugs into my system to stop them that I began hallucinating and really don't remember much of my time in the Tucson hospital. After not being able to figure out what was causing the 25 seizures a day so Andrew asked that they transfer us up to Phoenix, to a specialty seizure hospital.
While in Phoenix I continued to have about 25 seizures daily they hooked my head up to so many machines and watched my every move from a video camera. One night I had a 45 minute seizure and laid there feeling my moms hand on my arm as I continued to shake. I could hear and feel everything during my seizures. As I seized I cried out to the Lord in my Head, "Why!! Please God just stop this!" This went on for seven days random things set me off. I laid in bed listening to my husband try to pull me out of the seizures with encouragement and pleading. I was so out of it and the only answers from the Lord I was getting was from one song that was continuously stuck in my head during the seizures. Only one verse was stuck in my head about thanking God and praising Him. I can't remember the exact words or who sang the song right now but I know it was about thanking Him. At the time I didn't see the meaning.
On the seventh day of this ordeal the seizures finally stopped and I was released with a questionable diagnose one that the doctors couldn't agree on. But it was not epilepsy, thank you Jesus! The moment my kids entered the room to the hotel we stayed at that night I knew what the song meant. The Lord had spared my life and brought me back to my husband and children. I praised Him as my husband and I drove home.
One hour away from our house we hit the mountains at that moment my head felt like it was going to explode and I started having a seizure. After the seizure I looked at my husband and knew this was the answer. The elevation changes that caused similar symptoms five years ago in New Mexico were to blame. We had moved four years earlier because of similar symptoms and learned that elevation was to blame but I had completely forgotten. When released from the hospital the doctors didn't really understand what was happening and I fought with the questions of what did happen and why. I finally got to a point where I was ok with not finding all those answers out but God showed us the moment we hit a higher elevation.
Even though my head was going nuts I was in awe with how God just showed me what the trigger for the seizures was. He is the Great Physician! We spent a month in our house at over 4000 ft until we finally made our way down and finally moved to Phoenix. Which has been a total miracle and I can now think clearer and continue on this process. During the hospital stay Andrew and I discussed the possible complications this may have put on our adoption. We got to a point where we just gave our daughter up to the Lord not knowing what life was going to be like afterwards. Needless to say God showed us what was wrong and how to fix it. I now have an altitude drug I take when changing altitude higher then 2000 ft. And I have had no other seizures since that drive home. Jesus has healed me and provided the answers we needed. And He also showed us why we have not been to India yet.
God you are incredible!
As we now wait for our day to meet sweet Hadassah Bharathi Moore; we have a new spring in our step. We know God has it all in His hands and we know His timing is perfect no matter the trials.
Well after a very trying time I am updating our Haddie blog. In September I spent 7 days in the hospital with seizures. After a couple months recovering we have since moved and now in the Phoenix area. So that means changing a bunch of adoption paperwork is being done and lots of life changes. But God is faithful and we have learned so much throughout the last few months about God's provision.
As far as our adoption we have only heard silence. But I know God allowed that for a very important reason. I now understand why; if the health stuff would have happened in India it could have been much worse. So now that I am on the mend I am praying He will start opening doors. Which He is doing as we speak.
Our adoption Rep is in Hyderbad right now trying to figure out what is going on. His hopes with this visit are to push to get us a court date and give us the opportunity to go get Haddie. So please be in prayer as we wait to hear from our rep. Also pray for her heart and ours as we get closer to seeing our little girl.
